employablog

So, being in an office means, a lot of the time, being bored.

Being bored is a two-edged mistress, it heightens and dulls the senses all at once. So while you may drift in and out of conversation or miss an end parentheses here and there, you also get a knack for noting the most minute minutia.

One thing that I particularly notice is people’s bathroom schedules, and not just that, but their habits. I’m not snooping around like Ramona Quimby, this is just what happens when my method for not falling asleep at my desk is to go take a walk. And because aimlessly wandering through a bunch of semi-cubicles is, well, pathetic, I force a trip to the bathroom.

Here’s how my ‘ol office goes to the bathroom:

CEO guy has the same pee schedule as me, so does Janitor guy. Neither are afraid to talk to you in the bathroom.

Eccentric math guy only uses the handicapped stall (larger, more luxurious) for all his business, and washes his hands in each sink at least once before leaving. There are five sinks total, but the fifth sink is actually in the handicapped stall, and has no soap. The handicapped stall’s sink then is like a preliminary rinse before moving through the main four sinks. The last two sinks are push handles rather than turn handles, so they give shorter bursts of water. These are how he finishes when he has his druthers.

Youth-marketing guy has chronic diarrhea, and is a grunter.

Foreign-market guy continues hallway conversations into the adjacent urinal. He is as foreign as the markets he reaches.

Flamboyant HR guy doesn’t understand that his office spot is in-between my desk and urination, and holds long painful conversations, and I hold painfully contain sweet release, wishing that I hadn’t downed two Nalgenes with the specific goal of leaving my desk for the bathroom.

Executive-who-looks-like-an-absentee-father-from-an-’80s-Disney-movie Guy has poor Kidney — ureter communication. It takes him a while to get going.

This is just the beginning of the taste of the fruits of 6 months of office labor.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 at 12:04 am and is filed under Cubeland. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.