Platinum Elite

Last week’s trip to Dallas was not just a trip to Dallas. It was also the beginning of an epic challenge. And not just any epic challenge. No, this epic challenge has a name — the American Airlines Platinum Elite Challenge. At stake: Platinum Elite status on America’s largest airline. The terms: fly 10,000 miles in three months, and receive an automatic one-year status upgrade (a feat that normally would take a year of sustained devotion: 35,000 miles).

Now, I’m not sure what exactly Platinum Elite status gets you (it’s something about first-class upgrades, security line bypasses and access to those weird lounge things with the frosted glass that I used to walk past without a second glass on my way to Hudson News or the bathroom or whatever). But I’m always up for a challenge, and this is one I think I can win. Last week’s trip to Dallas knocked off 3000 miles, but since we flew first class I got credit for an extra .5 points per mile, bringing the total up to 4500. This week, I am in Tampa, adding another 2000 miles. The week after Thanksgiving the plan is to fly to Southern California, which should pretty well knock the 10,000 mile challenge out of the park, and all in under one month. That’s not even including the trips to Washington, Oregon and Indiana on the horizon.

Add it all up and I become Platinum Elite, a celebrated lifevest for a gasping airline industry.

But what does it all mean (besides the obvious: that this man’s life has a degree of sadness to it that isn’t palpable exactly, but is close enough to the surface that he needs some sort of superficial affirmation that he isn’t throwing it all away waiting in terminals)? I mean, what does platinum even look like? Is it better than diamonds? How come it’s not Diamond Elite? That actually sounds like a cool name for an American Gladiator…

My point is this. In less than three weeks, I am going to be Elite. Platinum Elite.

Ok, that’s not really a point, but it is a fact. And this fact is going to enable me to say non-sentences like “Excuse me Miss, but I’m Platinum Elite…” and have wonderful things lavished upon me. At least I hope. Because otherwise, all this travel sure could get a man down.

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